Done!!!

I'm done with my finals! The stress of the semester is over! At last, I can relax and spend a decent amount of time with my wife.

Now, I can get on with the Christmas shopping.

Possessed

Lauren and I went out today and took pictures together in the snow. Unfortunately, as this picture shows, I appear to be possessed by some kind of goblin.



Fortunately, he didn't come out for EVERY picture.



Merry Christmas!

I love me some David Sedaris

It's no secret that I love David Sedaris. Earlier this year, I blogged about how I tried (unsuccessfully) when I was single to use one of his books as a dating activity.

On the episode of This American Life from two weekends ago, they included a fantastic reading by David Sedaris. Do yourself a favor and take the time to listen to this. I cropped out the Sedaris portion from the rest of the show and made it the audio for a movie, with a picture of him as the only video.
Enjoy this.

(from "This American Life, 11.21.08, #104: "Music Lessons")

I think I could have cropped out everything else, and just played his Billie Holiday version of the Oscar Meyer commercial jingle, and that by itself would have been hilarious enough.

If you're really interested, the This American Life website has an archive of all of their episodes. On the episode broadcast on Halloween of this year, the last portion of the show is another David Sedaris piece (it begins at 41:56), in which he describes his thoughts and experiences when he volunteered at a city morgue for a few days. Hilarious.

Halloween

So. Guess what Lauren and I were for Halloween?



The two ARE related. Any guesses? Take a look at Lauren up close.



Does the makeup around the eyes give it away? Look familiar?

Hmm...
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We were Jareth (David Bowie) and Sarah (Jennifer Connelly) from Labyrinth! Lauren was Jareth...



I was Sarah...



Look at this picture! Is it us, or is it from the movie? Who knows?!

Colbert on Young Voters

This is a clip from October 1st's episode of The Colbert Report. It's so funny, I had to share. That's about the only reason I have for posting this.

An Open Letter To the Mirror in the TJ Maxx Dressing Room

Dear Mirror in the TJ Maxx Dressing Room---

Hey. I was in the dressing room tonight, trying on some new jeans. Remember me? I'm the one who took this picture with my phone.



I understand that it's probably a good marketing skill for the mirrors to tell the customers that they look good in their clothing. That TOTALLY makes sense. But honestly, "That would be such a score"? Really? Who says that?

As a mirror, it's your job, I guess, to let posers look at you all day. That doesn't mean you have to become one.

Jake

Tags

I'm not much of a blog-tagging kind of guy, but I don't want one of my friends to think that I don't pay attention to what she has to say (like, say, when she tags me) either. So here goes.

What I was doing 10 years ago...
1. Being way excited that I was FINALLY in 8th grade
2. Two words: Nintendo 64
3. Living alone with my mom
4. Learning to play the trumpet
5. Deciding that science is simpler and more fun than other school subjects

5 Things on today's "to do" list...
1. Go to bed at a reasonable hour
2. Beat Chrono Trigger on my SNES Emulator before I'm too busy with school to do with it
3. Dishes
4. Resign to the fact that I have to take Physics this semester
5. Work on Grad School apps

5 things that I will most likely do instead of my to do list...
1. This
2. Stay Up Late watching The Daily Show and The Colbert Report
3. Play X-Men on my arcade game emulator
4. About half of the dishes
5. Remain in denial that Physics won't be that bad

5 Snacks I enjoy
1. Riesens
2. Fruit Snacks
3. Grilled Cheese
4. Ice Cream
5. Popsicles

5 Things I would do if I was a millionaire...
1. Buy a MacBook Pro, with all the bells and whistles
2. Get a Jetta
3. Get Lauren a GOOD iPod
4. Give Lauren that European honeymoon we had originally wanted
5. Get a Wii with Guitar Hero and Smash Brothers

5 places that I've lived...
1. Salisbury, NC
2. Provo, UT
3. Henderson, NV
4. Erlangen, Germany
5. Nashville, TN

Tag 5 people...
1. No
2. thanks,
3. I
4. am
5. good.

Barack Obama

Kudos to The Daily Show for this hilarious spoof on how ridiculously hyped Barack Obama is. The episode from which this clip comes was recorded right before Obama's Thursday night speech at the DNC.

Culture... REAL Culture

I'm a college student. My wife is an extremely bored sales associate at a department store. Neither of us really interacts much with people outside of our personal social sphere. Tonight, we were exposed to a decent cross-section of some of the other types of people out there.

Lauren had a craving for burgers tonight, and for some reason that neither of us really understand, she was craving, of all places, McDonald's. Going to McDonald's is an experience in which we take part once every six to eight months. Naturally, anything more often that that just isn't good for one's health (twice a year is bad enough). Below are some of the scenes we observed during tonight's semiannual gastrointestinal trials.

Horny High-Schoolers

I know you've seen this. A boy and a girl just beginning to enter sexual maturity, but they have no idea what to do with it. Consequently, they spend all their free time all over each other, completely oblivious to other people. There was a couple tonight who actually bothered to order some food, but spent most of the time with the girl sitting on her boyfriend's lap, straddling him and eating his face, rather than her food. It was awful.

Bad Parents

We saw two examples of this. We saw a man with three kids: a little boy and girl who were both enjoying their own Happy Meals, and a baby who spent the majority of the time sleeping in its little carseat-carrier-thingy. The two toddlers happily played with their Happy Meal toys while their father spent almost the entire time talking to someone on his cell phone. He completely ignored his children. So sad. We also saw a father get some food to go, and then loudly threaten his son of probably 4 years that "If you open that Happy Meal before we get in the car, I SWEAR I'll throw that toy away. I SWEAR." Nice. That's the way to get your child to love and respect you: verbal abuse and public humiliation.

Grifters
I'm not really sure if 'Grifters' is a word, so in case it isn't, I'm referring to an 'Artful Dodger' kind of person.

I don't know the details of what happened. I just overheard the tail end of a conversation between the manager and a man with dyed-black hair and several facial piercings (somewhat unusual, for Provo). This man claimed he had spoken to a woman last night, around midnight, and that she had written something down somewhere, and for some reason, this man was entitled to three free sandwiches. I'm guessing someone messed up his order or something, and he didn't realize it until he got home and called back to complain, but didn't want to return to the store. Not only did the manager have no notification from this 'girl' this man had spoken with, but the manager also said that there were no women working that time of night at all. The man persisted. This story is kinda boring, but what shocked me was that in the end, this man kept pushing until he got the three sandwiches he was demanding: two double quarter pounders and some chicken sandwich. That's about fifteen dollars' worth of food, for a story that was CLEARLY made up. I could easily make up a more airtight story than that. Easy.

Who knows what we'll encounter next time we feel like punishing our stomachs with a few ounces of putrid grease? Maybe we'll see a homosexual? A lion tamer? Or, perhaps most rare of all in Provo: a black person?

Waterboarding

Check out this video from CNN.

I'm not sure what shocks me more: the fact that there's actually a place where you can actually WATCH someone get waterboarded (even if it is just a robot), or the fact that most people the reporter asked had never heard of it.

No wonder this country is in the state it's in. People just don't pay attention.

Picking Up Chicks

I've been married for a few months, and I've known my wife since mid-May 2007. Before we met, I was stuck in the BYU dating scene: I was single, and painfully aware of it. Not having a girlfriend, or even having something past a second date, made me feel like there was something wrong with me. Thankfully, those days are over.

When you're single (whether or not you're stuck in the dating atmosphere I was in), you have some kind of plan or approach for how you flirt. There are several things about yourself that you like and try to emphasize to the opposite sex, while trying to hide those things you're insecure about. For instance, among the people I knew, being outdoorsy was really cool. When my roommates would meet women, they'd find ways to bring up all the hikes and campouts in Provo Canyon they had done recently. I didn't do this at all, because I, like my sister, am "Indoorsy". I had to find other things to discuss, to emphasize ME. I'm a DORK. A HUGE dork. I'm 66% Geek, according to one site. I've been spending some of my spare time this summer reading one of my immunology textbooks, for fun. I read all 1500 pages of Les Miserables when I was in ninth grade, and it wasn't for a class. When I was in high school, I was President of the Band and the German Club (twice), and I regularly played Dungeons & Dragons. As you can probably imagine, I struggled a little bit in my flirting.

I tried emphasizing my major (Molecular Biology) and my career goals (Lab research in infectious diseases), but this always led to details about my research, or questions people had about specific diseases. This caused trouble, because, as my wife explained to me after we got together, most people aren't comfortable speaking casually about genital warts, anthrax, or 'bloody sputum'. Who knew?

Earlier tonight, I pulled "Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim" by David Sedaris from my shelf, and it reminded me of a technique I only used once before I met Lauren (so I'm not completely sure how good it was). Rather than doing something on a date that I hate, like hiking or bowling, I decided to do something I enjoy: reading books. Before going to pick the girl up, I'd take this book and pick out a story or two that I enjoyed and that was safe (some of his writing is a little too risque' to read with someone you don't know very well). After dinner, we'd sit down somewhere quiet, like my living room, and read to each other, taking turns at every section break. Those were my favorite dates I ever had. As I opened the book tonight to read it, several stories still had the corners of the pages folded in, to mark an 'appropriate' story to read.

These days, now that I'm married, I can do more shameful things, without fear or retribution. For instance, guess what I did this weekend, while I was sick, and my wife was busy reading silly books about vampires and teenage girls? Here's a few hints:

I saw this...


Also this...


A little of this...


And some of this every once in a while, too...


I played Super Nintendo on my computer! A lot! I beat Final Fantasy 2 (#4 in Japan, it's the source of the top three images), and dinked around a little with Super Mariokart.

Isn't Lauren lucky to have a winner like me?

It finally happened!

Thanks to Steve for showing me this.



Awesome.

Evolution

I'm a Gospel Doctrine teacher in our ward. Today, we were discussing Alma 30, reading about Korihor. While we were discussing the false doctrines he taught, one of the members of the bishopric brought up verse 17, and proceeded to go off on how Charles Darwin must have been inspired by the same spirit that inspired Korihor (the devil), and that every facet of the theory of evolution is false. Because arguing that point would have been useless, I made no comment and moved on, but I was very, very pissed.

Why is evolution such a hard pill for Christians to swallow? If your religion tells you that one part of it inaccurate, fine, but don't throw out the baby with the bath water! Evolution is the principle upon which all of modern biology rests. I sure wish the uninformed would stop attacking it.

The One Good Thing About Provo

It's no secret that Lauren and I don't really love living in Utah. Cultural/religious homogeneity leads to a social climate that we just don't care for all that much. Provo is a nice place to go to school and all, but we could never live here. There is, however, one thing about Provo that we just LOVE.

Provo is a sort of haven for people who've recently returned from missions around the world, and it caters to this unique demographic with a wide array of ethnic food. Do you miss the cooking of your converts and fellow Saints in Peru? We can help you there. Want some delicious Thai? We're saturated with Thai places. We even have four Indian places, including a buffet, situated in a building that used to be a 50's style diner (A former Winger's, for you locals).

Two of mine and Lauren's favorite places:

-India Palace, located at 1st West and Center. It's like the Bombay House, but cheaper. We go enough that the owners recognize us when we come. When Lauren graduated from BYU, we went there for dinner, and we got free chutney and samosas. I LOVE the Mulligatawny (Kramer's favorite soup from the Soup Nazi), the Chicken Saag, and the Peshwari Naan (a sweet naan with golden raisins and cashews baked into the dough, served with honey on top).

We went last night and shared a delicious Chicken Dhansak. This picture came from the Internet, not us, but it still illustrates the deliciousness.



When we don't want to try something new, there's always the Chicken Korma, Saag, Tikka Masala, or especially Makhani (also known as Butter Chicken). Come visit us in Provo, and we'll go here.

-Gloria's Little Italy, at 3rd South and 3rd East (in the same building and right next to the Thai Kitchen, formerly the Thai Pepper, formerly the Thai Chili Garden). An Italian restaurant owned and operated by Italian people. I've had three things there that have made me want to die, they were so good: pesto (freshly made, of course) with spaghetti, lasagna raqu (the sauce was the most delicious I've ever had), and most recently eggplant parmesan. The only problem Lauren and I have with this place is that she gets embarrassed being there with me because I often can't help but moan, "Mmmmm!", often quite loudly. They make their own gelato, and have a variety of fresh European pastries. My favorite place in Provo. Next time we go, I'll try to remember to take pictures before stuffing my face. If you're not in the mood for Indian, we'll go here instead.

Anthrax!

So on the 4th of July, Lauren and I did what nearly everyone in Provo does--- we tried to find somewhere convenient for watching the Stadium of Fire fireworks. It wouldn't have been my first choice, but Lauren enjoys fireworks, so whatever.

We found a spot just east of the temple (a little bit farther up the hill) and watched it all. During all the pops and explosions, Lauren saw a little dog scurry scared across the street and hide under someone's car. Worried that he would be lost and could get killed while navigating the terrible traffic that would follow the end of the fireworks, Lauren got him out from under the car. When we saw that he had no identifying information on his collar, we took him home, planning on taking him to the animal shelter the next day.

Now, I hate animals. Basically all of them. But Lauren loves basically all of them, so to help me warm up to him, she let me name him. What else could I name him, but something that I like and that truly fascinates me: Anthrax!

Look at the little guy. I almost liked him, he was so cute.

Any animal can be cute, but for me, all cuteness ends once you start having to walk them multiple times a day and you're picking up their droppings. Cuteness ends abruptly.

The shelter was closed for the weekend, but Anthrax's family had posted signs in the area of where he was lost, so we were able to return him to his family quickly. Turns out his real name was Peeko. My name for him was MUCH better.

This got me to thinking about other great names for pets. Lauren wants lots of pets in our home, once we live somewhere that allows pets. I gave up the possibility of vetoing that idea long ago, so rather than be miserable with the idea, I'm trying to warm up to the idea by brainstorming for good names. Infectious diseases have inspired me.

Are these or are these not great ideas for pet names?

"Anthrax"- From the disease of the same name, caused by Bacillus anthracis
"Tula"- Tularemia, Francisella tularensis
"Botchy"- Botulism, Clostridium botulinum
"Bruce"- Brucellosis, Brucella abortus, B. melitensis, B. suis
"Sinia"- The Plague, Yersinia pestis
"Tuber"- Tuberculosis, Mycobacterium tuberculosis
"Melio"- Melioidosis, Burkholderia pseudomallei
"Campy" or "Juni"- Food poisoning, Campylobacter jejuni
"Shiga"- Food poisoning, Genus Shigella, especially S. dysenteriae and S. flexneri
"Nella"- Food poisoning, Salmonella enteriae
"Pappy"- Warts, any of the papillomaviruses
"Ebo"- Ebola, Ebolavirus
"Rick"- Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, Rickettsia rickettsii
"Typho" or "Typhus"- Typhoid Fever, Salmonella typhi or Typhus, Rickettsia prowazekii
"Brio"- Cholera, Vibrio cholerae
"Dippy" or "Coryne"- Diphtheria, Corynebacterium diphtheriae
"Tella" or "Tussis"- Pertussis, Bordetella pertussis
"Q"- Q fever, Coxiella burnetii
"Coccidio"- Valley Fever aka Coccidioidomycosis, Coccidioides immitis
"Lepra"- Leprosy, Mycobacterium leprae
"Cantha"- Amoebic keratitis, Genus Acanthamoeba
"Plasmo"- Malaria, Plasmodium falciparum
"Elia" or "Dorf"- Lyme disease, Borrelia burgdorferi
"Simplex"- Cold sores and genital herpes, Herpesimplexvirus types 1 (cold sores) and 2 (genital herpes)
"Enza"- Flu, Influenzavirus
"Iola"- Smallpox, Variolavirus
"Dengue"- Dengue fever, Denguevirus
"Polio"- Poliomyelitis, Poliovirus
"Thrush", "Albi" (the racist dragon) or "Candy"- Candidiasis aka Thrush, Candida albicans
"Seria"- Gonorrhea, Neisseria gonorrhoeae
"Rhino"- Common cold, Rhinovirus

This could keep going for a while. I like the idea of a pet with a name that begins with "The", a la The Cheat, like "The Plague" or "The Legionnaire" (Legionnaire's disease, Legionella pneumophila). We'll see what Lauren thinks.

OOOOOOOOOOh, yes

I love James Bond movies. LOVE them. I'm not really sure why. Most of them are some of the most cheesy, unrealistic scenes you can find in a movie, his approach (and success) with women is ridiculous, and the majority of the things he does are just what a real spy would NEVER do. Still, I love those movies. If I had them all, I'd be a happy man.

Naturally, you can imagine my excitement to see this posted on Apple's website. Oh, yes. I can't wait.

I wonder what a "Quantum of Solace" is.

Okay, okay, I'll blog again

Some of you time-Nazis out there have been whining at me because I haven't blogged in a while and you're griping at me for not keeping you informed with what's going on in my life. Well, fine. Here's what has happened since I last blogged...

I've seen a lot of movies. Some of the ones I liked:

Across the Universe

Iron Man

The Incredible Hulk

Spirited Away

Waking Ned Devine


...and others.

Harry Potter finally defeated Voldemort, but I guess everyone knew that.


I went to the zoo in Washington, DC, and saw all kinds of animals.








I went to the National Portrait Gallery and saw a great portrait of one of my favorite musicians, Dizzy Gillespie. Sadly, Pat Metheny is yet to be featured at the gallery.


I stopped wearing my hair in a faux-hawk. It was for some occasion I had to attend this past May or something. I can't really remember what.


After taking two courses in immunology, I decided that the activated macrophage is my favorite leukocyte. If it's around, then you know some kind of crazy inflammation crap is about to happen, and some pathogens are about to get seriously MESSED UP.


That's about all I can think of that's happened in the past fifteen months, though it DOES seem like I'm forgetting something.

I remember there was cake.


There were flowers.


Almost sounds like a wedding. Did I marry myself?

Hmmmmmmmm...




Oh YEAH! I met, dated, fell in love with, got engaged to, and married the girl of my dreams, LoLo!




Apparently, I've also gained a lot of weight.


So there, that's what you've missed!