Jake's Jibber-Jabber

Test

2010-12-29T06:52:00.002-07:00

I've been working on a movie of pictures for my grandfather's upcoming 90th birthday party. This is the only venue I could think of to show it to members of my family, to get their input on it. If you're not a member of my family, you will find this REALLY boring.

Close Call

2009-05-02T11:19:00.003-06:00

While filling up the gas tank of our Uhaul truck in Nebraska, I glanced down at the tire and noticed this:

Apparently the inner tire on this side was flat, so all the weight on that side had been going on that one tire. I can't even begin to describe how glad I am that I noticed this and we got it fixed (NOT at our own expense) before the tire blew out.

We'll be in NC on Monday!

The Plague

2009-04-13T19:08:00.002-06:00

Congrats to Linda, Lauren's Nana, for correctly guessing the disease. Her guess was "bubonic plague", which is only half-right. It's actually septicemic plague, but they're both caused by the same bacterium, so close enough.

That blackening of the flesh? Yep, that's why the called it the Black Death.

Pop Quiz!

2009-04-07T22:35:00.006-06:00

If you see this...

...what disease do you probably have?

Hint #1: this blackening in the flesh is the source of one of the common names of the disease, and despite what it may look like in the picture, is not due to fire or otherwise burned flesh.

Hint #2: this disease is endemic (naturally-occurring) in the four corners states.

Hint #3: If you DO actually have this disease, then by the time you see these symptoms, if you aren't already on antibiotics (meaning...it's caused by bacteria), then you'll soon be dead.

Anyone? Marissa, you're not allowed to answer.

UPDATE: The answer will be posted on Friday, April 17.

I need to read The Onion more often

2009-03-23T22:31:00.001-06:00

Prague's Franz Kafka International Named World's Most Alienating Airport

Thanks, Unkie Steve, for reminding me how hilarious The Onion really is.

Going to Carolina in my Mind

2009-03-22T20:24:00.002-06:00

Well, it's official. We're leaving Provo soon after BYU graduation, and will move into our new home in Chapel Hill at beginning of May. We haven't completely pinned down where we're going to live in Chapel Hill yet, but that should be decided quite soon.

Apparently, Utah has decided to remind me just how much I dislike it by giving us another snowstorm, after a week of 60-degree weather. Stupid jerk-state.

Accepted

2009-03-12T17:19:00.003-06:00

UNC called me this week, and I'M IN. Lauren and I will be moving out there as soon as possible.

I'll be entering the program in Biological and Biomedical Sciences, and after a year, I'll enter the Ph.D. program in Microbiology and Immunology.

Carolina Born, Carolina Bred, Not Yet Carolina Dead

2009-03-01T15:49:00.003-07:00

Two weeks ago, I went to Dallas, for an interview at UT-Southwestern. I loved the whole weekend. The weather was perfect, the campus was beautiful, and the science happening there was amazing. The weirdest thing I noticed there? In the morning, the air smells distinctly like barbecue. I'm completely serious. I wasn't there long enough to decide if I liked hickory-smoked morning air, but it was definitely a nice idea. The following Monday, I received a call from one of their admissions faculty letting me know that they had decided to make me an offer--- I got accepted. Not only was I excited that I was accepted there, I was relieved that even if no one else accepted me, I would still have a place to go to this spring and flee Utah.

This past weekend, I've been in Chapel Hill, interviewing at UNC. My feelings about the entire trip could probably best be summarized with this picture.

What a gorgeous place. The campus is even more beautiful than in Dallas. The weather is more moderate. The town is adorable. The research is more pertinent to my own interests. I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of my time there. They said that they will probably need a week or so to let us know their decision, and oh man, I'm already getting antsy.

So, in answer to the question I asked in my last post, love of Cheerwine clearly won out. Not much of a surprise there--- Cheerwine will always win out.

Grad School

2009-02-18T12:48:00.002-07:00

So, at right, there is a poll that has been up for many, many months, concerning where we should go for grad school. Since then, the University of Washington has rejected me, and hurricane-related concerns helped me decide not to apply to UTMB in Galveston, Texas. Remaining are the Albany Medical College, the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill, the University of Texas-Southwestern Medical Center in Dallas, and the University of Virginia.

Virgina has yet to respond to me.

I interviewed with AMC last week by phone. They seemed nice, and I'm sure I'd get a good education there, but unless everyone else rejects me, I can't imagine us living there. Albany is too freaking cold.

This week, I'll be flying out to Dallas for an interview at UTSW, and I'll be doing the same next week in Chapel Hill. Dallas is a much cheaper place to live than Chapel Hill and Charlottesville (not to mention Albany), but Lauren's not all that thrilled about spending 5-6 years living in a Texas climate, and we would definitely be closer to family in North Carolina or Virginia.

I wonder what will win out: who gives me the most money to go to their school, or love of Cheerwine?

CNN and Race

2009-02-15T12:25:00.005-07:00

So. I was checking the news this morning from CNN and I saw something unusual. Here's my screen capture. Let's see if you can spot it. You'll need to click on the image to see a larger version.

Here's a zoom on the unusual area.

If you didn't know that Robert Gibbs is the White House Press Secretary, would it be unusual to you to see CNN apparently clarifying that Obama's press secretary is white?

Nice job, CNN. Nice job.

By the way, a careful observer will notice something in this screen capture that tells you some information about a recent change in my computer situation. Since January 2007, I've been using a Mac Mini. Did you notice the battery icon in the upper right? I just got a new aluminum Macbook!

Jealous? I know.

Better Know a District-- BYU

2009-01-07T17:57:00.000-07:00

Stephen Colbert has "better-known" the district where I live! I'm so honored.

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Better Know a District - Utah's 3rd - Jason Chaffetz

Colbert at Christmas
Colbert Christmas DVD

Green Screen
Bill O'Reilly Interview

Done!!!

2008-12-19T14:29:00.003-07:00

I'm done with my finals! The stress of the semester is over! At last, I can relax and spend a decent amount of time with my wife.

Now, I can get on with the Christmas shopping.

Possessed

2008-12-16T14:58:00.003-07:00

Lauren and I went out today and took pictures together in the snow. Unfortunately, as this picture shows, I appear to be possessed by some kind of goblin.

Fortunately, he didn't come out for EVERY picture.

Merry Christmas!

I love me some David Sedaris

2008-12-01T00:19:00.004-07:00

It's no secret that I love David Sedaris. Earlier this year, I blogged about how I tried (unsuccessfully) when I was single to use one of his books as a dating activity.

On the episode of This American Life from two weekends ago, they included a fantastic reading by David Sedaris. Do yourself a favor and take the time to listen to this. I cropped out the Sedaris portion from the rest of the show and made it the audio for a movie, with a picture of him as the only video.
Enjoy this.

(from "This American Life, 11.21.08, #104: "Music Lessons")

I think I could have cropped out everything else, and just played his Billie Holiday version of the Oscar Meyer commercial jingle, and that by itself would have been hilarious enough.

If you're really interested, the This American Life website has an archive of all of their episodes. On the episode broadcast on Halloween of this year, the last portion of the show is another David Sedaris piece (it begins at 41:56), in which he describes his thoughts and experiences when he volunteered at a city morgue for a few days. Hilarious.

Halloween

2008-11-03T16:10:00.004-07:00

So. Guess what Lauren and I were for Halloween?

The two ARE related. Any guesses? Take a look at Lauren up close.

Does the makeup around the eyes give it away? Look familiar?

Hmm...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
We were Jareth (David Bowie) and Sarah (Jennifer Connelly) from Labyrinth! Lauren was Jareth...

I was Sarah...

Look at this picture! Is it us, or is it from the movie? Who knows?!

Colbert on Young Voters

2008-10-02T10:43:00.001-06:00

This is a clip from October 1st's episode of The Colbert Report. It's so funny, I had to share. That's about the only reason I have for posting this.

An Open Letter To the Mirror in the TJ Maxx Dressing Room

2008-09-29T20:05:00.004-06:00

Dear Mirror in the TJ Maxx Dressing Room---

Hey. I was in the dressing room tonight, trying on some new jeans. Remember me? I'm the one who took this picture with my phone.

I understand that it's probably a good marketing skill for the mirrors to tell the customers that they look good in their clothing. That TOTALLY makes sense. But honestly, "That would be such a score"? Really? Who says that?

As a mirror, it's your job, I guess, to let posers look at you all day. That doesn't mean you have to become one.

Jake

Barack Obama

2008-08-30T16:32:00.002-06:00

Kudos to The Daily Show for this hilarious spoof on how ridiculously hyped Barack Obama is. The episode from which this clip comes was recorded right before Obama's Thursday night speech at the DNC.

Culture... REAL Culture

2008-08-25T23:46:00.007-06:00

I'm a college student. My wife is an extremely bored sales associate at a department store. Neither of us really interacts much with people outside of our personal social sphere. Tonight, we were exposed to a decent cross-section of some of the other types of people out there.

Lauren had a craving for burgers tonight, and for some reason that neither of us really understand, she was craving, of all places, McDonald's. Going to McDonald's is an experience in which we take part once every six to eight months. Naturally, anything more often that that just isn't good for one's health (twice a year is bad enough). Below are some of the scenes we observed during tonight's semiannual gastrointestinal trials.

Horny High-Schoolers

I know you've seen this. A boy and a girl just beginning to enter sexual maturity, but they have no idea what to do with it. Consequently, they spend all their free time all over each other, completely oblivious to other people. There was a couple tonight who actually bothered to order some food, but spent most of the time with the girl sitting on her boyfriend's lap, straddling him and eating his face, rather than her food. It was awful.

Bad Parents

We saw two examples of this. We saw a man with three kids: a little boy and girl who were both enjoying their own Happy Meals, and a baby who spent the majority of the time sleeping in its little carseat-carrier-thingy. The two toddlers happily played with their Happy Meal toys while their father spent almost the entire time talking to someone on his cell phone. He completely ignored his children. So sad. We also saw a father get some food to go, and then loudly threaten his son of probably 4 years that "If you open that Happy Meal before we get in the car, I SWEAR I'll throw that toy away. I SWEAR." Nice. That's the way to get your child to love and respect you: verbal abuse and public humiliation.

Grifters
I'm not really sure if 'Grifters' is a word, so in case it isn't, I'm referring to an 'Artful Dodger' kind of person.

I don't know the details of what happened. I just overheard the tail end of a conversation between the manager and a man with dyed-black hair and several facial piercings (somewhat unusual, for Provo). This man claimed he had spoken to a woman last night, around midnight, and that she had written something down somewhere, and for some reason, this man was entitled to three free sandwiches. I'm guessing someone messed up his order or something, and he didn't realize it until he got home and called back to complain, but didn't want to return to the store. Not only did the manager have no notification from this 'girl' this man had spoken with, but the manager also said that there were no women working that time of night at all. The man persisted. This story is kinda boring, but what shocked me was that in the end, this man kept pushing until he got the three sandwiches he was demanding: two double quarter pounders and some chicken sandwich. That's about fifteen dollars' worth of food, for a story that was CLEARLY made up. I could easily make up a more airtight story than that. Easy.

Who knows what we'll encounter next time we feel like punishing our stomachs with a few ounces of putrid grease? Maybe we'll see a homosexual? A lion tamer? Or, perhaps most rare of all in Provo: a black person?

Waterboarding

2008-08-11T08:00:00.002-06:00

Check out this video from CNN.

I'm not sure what shocks me more: the fact that there's actually a place where you can actually WATCH someone get waterboarded (even if it is just a robot), or the fact that most people the reporter asked had never heard of it.

No wonder this country is in the state it's in. People just don't pay attention.

Picking Up Chicks

2008-08-04T23:30:00.006-06:00

I've been married for a few months, and I've known my wife since mid-May 2007. Before we met, I was stuck in the BYU dating scene: I was single, and painfully aware of it. Not having a girlfriend, or even having something past a second date, made me feel like there was something wrong with me. Thankfully, those days are over.

When you're single (whether or not you're stuck in the dating atmosphere I was in), you have some kind of plan or approach for how you flirt. There are several things about yourself that you like and try to emphasize to the opposite sex, while trying to hide those things you're insecure about. For instance, among the people I knew, being outdoorsy was really cool. When my roommates would meet women, they'd find ways to bring up all the hikes and campouts in Provo Canyon they had done recently. I didn't do this at all, because I, like my sister, am "Indoorsy". I had to find other things to discuss, to emphasize ME. I'm a DORK. A HUGE dork. I'm 66% Geek, according to one site. I've been spending some of my spare time this summer reading one of my immunology textbooks, for fun. I read all 1500 pages of Les Miserables when I was in ninth grade, and it wasn't for a class. When I was in high school, I was President of the Band and the German Club (twice), and I regularly played Dungeons & Dragons. As you can probably imagine, I struggled a little bit in my flirting.

I tried emphasizing my major (Molecular Biology) and my career goals (Lab research in infectious diseases), but this always led to details about my research, or questions people had about specific diseases. This caused trouble, because, as my wife explained to me after we got together, most people aren't comfortable speaking casually about genital warts, anthrax, or 'bloody sputum'. Who knew?

Earlier tonight, I pulled "Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim" by David Sedaris from my shelf, and it reminded me of a technique I only used once before I met Lauren (so I'm not completely sure how good it was). Rather than doing something on a date that I hate, like hiking or bowling, I decided to do something I enjoy: reading books. Before going to pick the girl up, I'd take this book and pick out a story or two that I enjoyed and that was safe (some of his writing is a little too risque' to read with someone you don't know very well). After dinner, we'd sit down somewhere quiet, like my living room, and read to each other, taking turns at every section break. Those were my favorite dates I ever had. As I opened the book tonight to read it, several stories still had the corners of the pages folded in, to mark an 'appropriate' story to read.

These days, now that I'm married, I can do more shameful things, without fear or retribution. For instance, guess what I did this weekend, while I was sick, and my wife was busy reading silly books about vampires and teenage girls? Here's a few hints:

I saw this...

Also this...

A little of this...

And some of this every once in a while, too...

I played Super Nintendo on my computer! A lot! I beat Final Fantasy 2 (#4 in Japan, it's the source of the top three images), and dinked around a little with Super Mariokart.

Isn't Lauren lucky to have a winner like me?

It finally happened!

2008-07-30T10:56:00.001-06:00

Thanks to Steve for showing me this.

Awesome.

Evolution

2008-07-20T21:19:00.002-06:00

I'm a Gospel Doctrine teacher in our ward. Today, we were discussing Alma 30, reading about Korihor. While we were discussing the false doctrines he taught, one of the members of the bishopric brought up verse 17, and proceeded to go off on how Charles Darwin must have been inspired by the same spirit that inspired Korihor (the devil), and that every facet of the theory of evolution is false. Because arguing that point would have been useless, I made no comment and moved on, but I was very, very pissed.

Why is evolution such a hard pill for Christians to swallow? If your religion tells you that one part of it inaccurate, fine, but don't throw out the baby with the bath water! Evolution is the principle upon which all of modern biology rests. I sure wish the uninformed would stop attacking it.

The One Good Thing About Provo

2008-07-20T20:33:00.005-06:00

It's no secret that Lauren and I don't really love living in Utah. Cultural/religious homogeneity leads to a social climate that we just don't care for all that much. Provo is a nice place to go to school and all, but we could never live here. There is, however, one thing about Provo that we just LOVE.

Provo is a sort of haven for people who've recently returned from missions around the world, and it caters to this unique demographic with a wide array of ethnic food. Do you miss the cooking of your converts and fellow Saints in Peru? We can help you there. Want some delicious Thai? We're saturated with Thai places. We even have four Indian places, including a buffet, situated in a building that used to be a 50's style diner (A former Winger's, for you locals).

Two of mine and Lauren's favorite places:

-India Palace, located at 1st West and Center. It's like the Bombay House, but cheaper. We go enough that the owners recognize us when we come. When Lauren graduated from BYU, we went there for dinner, and we got free chutney and samosas. I LOVE the Mulligatawny (Kramer's favorite soup from the Soup Nazi), the Chicken Saag, and the Peshwari Naan (a sweet naan with golden raisins and cashews baked into the dough, served with honey on top).

We went last night and shared a delicious Chicken Dhansak. This picture came from the Internet, not us, but it still illustrates the deliciousness.

When we don't want to try something new, there's always the Chicken Korma, Saag, Tikka Masala, or especially Makhani (also known as Butter Chicken). Come visit us in Provo, and we'll go here.

-Gloria's Little Italy, at 3rd South and 3rd East (in the same building and right next to the Thai Kitchen, formerly the Thai Pepper, formerly the Thai Chili Garden). An Italian restaurant owned and operated by Italian people. I've had three things there that have made me want to die, they were so good: pesto (freshly made, of course) with spaghetti, lasagna raqu (the sauce was the most delicious I've ever had), and most recently eggplant parmesan. The only problem Lauren and I have with this place is that she gets embarrassed being there with me because I often can't help but moan, "Mmmmm!", often quite loudly. They make their own gelato, and have a variety of fresh European pastries. My favorite place in Provo. Next time we go, I'll try to remember to take pictures before stuffing my face. If you're not in the mood for Indian, we'll go here instead.

Anthrax!

2008-07-15T23:05:00.004-06:00

So on the 4th of July, Lauren and I did what nearly everyone in Provo does--- we tried to find somewhere convenient for watching the Stadium of Fire fireworks. It wouldn't have been my first choice, but Lauren enjoys fireworks, so whatever.

We found a spot just east of the temple (a little bit farther up the hill) and watched it all. During all the pops and explosions, Lauren saw a little dog scurry scared across the street and hide under someone's car. Worried that he would be lost and could get killed while navigating the terrible traffic that would follow the end of the fireworks, Lauren got him out from under the car. When we saw that he had no identifying information on his collar, we took him home, planning on taking him to the animal shelter the next day.

Now, I hate animals. Basically all of them. But Lauren loves basically all of them, so to help me warm up to him, she let me name him. What else could I name him, but something that I like and that truly fascinates me: Anthrax!

Look at the little guy. I almost liked him, he was so cute.

Any animal can be cute, but for me, all cuteness ends once you start having to walk them multiple times a day and you're picking up their droppings. Cuteness ends abruptly.

The shelter was closed for the weekend, but Anthrax's family had posted signs in the area of where he was lost, so we were able to return him to his family quickly. Turns out his real name was Peeko. My name for him was MUCH better.

This got me to thinking about other great names for pets. Lauren wants lots of pets in our home, once we live somewhere that allows pets. I gave up the possibility of vetoing that idea long ago, so rather than be miserable with the idea, I'm trying to warm up to the idea by brainstorming for good names. Infectious diseases have inspired me.

Are these or are these not great ideas for pet names?

"Anthrax"- From the disease of the same name, caused by Bacillus anthracis
"Tula"- Tularemia, Francisella tularensis
"Botchy"- Botulism, Clostridium botulinum
"Bruce"- Brucellosis, Brucella abortus, B. melitensis, B. suis
"Sinia"- The Plague, Yersinia pestis
"Tuber"- Tuberculosis, Mycobacterium tuberculosis
"Melio"- Melioidosis, Burkholderia pseudomallei
"Campy" or "Juni"- Food poisoning, Campylobacter jejuni
"Shiga"- Food poisoning, Genus Shigella, especially S. dysenteriae and S. flexneri
"Nella"- Food poisoning, Salmonella enteriae
"Pappy"- Warts, any of the papillomaviruses
"Ebo"- Ebola, Ebolavirus
"Rick"- Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, Rickettsia rickettsii
"Typho" or "Typhus"- Typhoid Fever, Salmonella typhi or Typhus, Rickettsia prowazekii
"Brio"- Cholera, Vibrio cholerae
"Dippy" or "Coryne"- Diphtheria, Corynebacterium diphtheriae
"Tella" or "Tussis"- Pertussis, Bordetella pertussis
"Q"- Q fever, Coxiella burnetii
"Coccidio"- Valley Fever aka Coccidioidomycosis, Coccidioides immitis
"Lepra"- Leprosy, Mycobacterium leprae
"Cantha"- Amoebic keratitis, Genus Acanthamoeba
"Plasmo"- Malaria, Plasmodium falciparum
"Elia" or "Dorf"- Lyme disease, Borrelia burgdorferi
"Simplex"- Cold sores and genital herpes, Herpesimplexvirus types 1 (cold sores) and 2 (genital herpes)
"Enza"- Flu, Influenzavirus
"Iola"- Smallpox, Variolavirus
"Dengue"- Dengue fever, Denguevirus
"Polio"- Poliomyelitis, Poliovirus
"Thrush", "Albi" (the racist dragon) or "Candy"- Candidiasis aka Thrush, Candida albicans
"Seria"- Gonorrhea, Neisseria gonorrhoeae
"Rhino"- Common cold, Rhinovirus

This could keep going for a while. I like the idea of a pet with a name that begins with "The", a la The Cheat, like "The Plague" or "The Legionnaire" (Legionnaire's disease, Legionella pneumophila). We'll see what Lauren thinks.

OOOOOOOOOOh, yes

2008-07-12T18:01:00.002-06:00

I love James Bond movies. LOVE them. I'm not really sure why. Most of them are some of the most cheesy, unrealistic scenes you can find in a movie, his approach (and success) with women is ridiculous, and the majority of the things he does are just what a real spy would NEVER do. Still, I love those movies. If I had them all, I'd be a happy man.

Naturally, you can imagine my excitement to see this posted on Apple's website. Oh, yes. I can't wait.

I wonder what a "Quantum of Solace" is.

Okay, okay, I'll blog again

2008-07-10T15:12:00.019-06:00

Some of you time-Nazis out there have been whining at me because I haven't blogged in a while and you're griping at me for not keeping you informed with what's going on in my life. Well, fine. Here's what has happened since I last blogged...

I've seen a lot of movies. Some of the ones I liked:

Across the Universe

Iron Man

The Incredible Hulk

Spirited Away

Waking Ned Devine

...and others.

Harry Potter finally defeated Voldemort, but I guess everyone knew that.

I went to the zoo in Washington, DC, and saw all kinds of animals.

I went to the National Portrait Gallery and saw a great portrait of one of my favorite musicians, Dizzy Gillespie. Sadly, Pat Metheny is yet to be featured at the gallery.

I stopped wearing my hair in a faux-hawk. It was for some occasion I had to attend this past May or something. I can't really remember what.

After taking two courses in immunology, I decided that the activated macrophage is my favorite leukocyte. If it's around, then you know some kind of crazy inflammation crap is about to happen, and some pathogens are about to get seriously MESSED UP.

That's about all I can think of that's happened in the past fifteen months, though it DOES seem like I'm forgetting something.

I remember there was cake.

There were flowers.

Almost sounds like a wedding. Did I marry myself?

Hmmmmmmmm...

Oh YEAH! I met, dated, fell in love with, got engaged to, and married the girl of my dreams, LoLo!

Apparently, I've also gained a lot of weight.

So there, that's what you've missed!

On Notice!

2007-04-03T00:07:00.001-06:00

If you enjoy Comedy Central's "The Colbert Report", which I'm sure you know I do, you know that when any person, organization, ideal, or other abstract concept wrongs Stephen Colbert in some way, he puts them "on notice", which is basically a warning and an outward expression of disapproval. He has an "On Notice" board where he puts the names of those things which are on notice as a reminder. For your information he also has a "Dead To Me" board, but that's not really relevant at this point.

I found an AWESOME web site today. Go here: http://www.shipbrook.com/onnotice/

You can make your own "On Notice" Board. In that spirit, here's mine.

Watch out, sleepwalking! If you're not careful, you just may move to "Dead To Me". If I don't become dead to you first, that is.

Brush with death

2007-04-02T23:41:00.000-06:00

If I had been more conscious when it happened, I would have seen my life flash before my eyes early this morning.

My roommate, Dan, has trouble getting up in the morning. He has been known to sleepwalk. I once walked to my bed at night in total darkness, and as I reached down to turn the covers down, my hand grabbed a still hairy leg instead. After a lap of sleepwalking around the house, he had returned to bed. My bed. It scared the CRAP out of me. A week or two later, as I came to my bed, and I was just climbing in, he sat straight up and told me in great length about a chemistry lab he had just been doing. It was HILARIOUS to me, not only because sleep-talking is funny, but also because his sleep-induced logic towards chemistry fundamentals was ridiculous.

We haven't had any good encounters with his sleep-related craziness in a while. Or I should say, we HADn't, until this morning.

I found myself awakened this morning by a little tug on my covers. It was enough to arouse me about halfway from my sleep, so I wasn't fully conscious. I drowsily turned over, and pulled the covers slowly away from my face, only to see my roommate standing immediately next to my bed, towering over me. At first, I didn't react. I was, after all, half asleep. Soon enough, the realization hit me that this was the type of position a killer would take before numerous thrusts of a dagger would rain down and kill his prey, so after two or three seconds, my eyes shot open as I sprang up. I looked into his eyes, ready for a fight (clearly, I was still not completely conscious. Or I've seen too many action movies lately.), only to see that his eyes were, in fact, closed. Realization sank in that he was sleepwalking. I sighed and relaxed, and commanded him with the firm tone to which his unconscious self responds to go back to bed.

Apparently he had gotten up to turn his alarm off, and within a second or two after turning it off, he fell back asleep, standing, and conveniently right next to my bed. For some reason, in his unconscious stupor, he felt the need to wake me up as well (he usually wakes up about three hours before I do), hence the tug on my covers.

Good thing I looked in his eyes before I destroyed him with my Jujitsu. If that were the case, I'd probably be stuck without a roommate. That would...be...hmm...terrible? Yeah, terrible, that's it.

Moving on

2007-03-30T01:05:00.000-06:00

I'm 21 years old, and I won't be graduating from college for two more years. Recently I started doing research on grad schools, and I can't stop thinking about it. Should I go back east (the answer to that is a definite 'yes')? Should I get my Ph.D in Europe (much farther east)? What do I want to study: Immunology? Microbiology? Molecular Biology? Cell Biology? Infectious Diseases? Microbial Genetics? Virology? Bacteriology? Parasitology?

I don't know what I'm doing in my life! I'm thinking of going into... male modeling. Or maybe... high finance? I'm at a crossroads, and there's an IHOP on one corner, and a Denny's on the other! I just don't know!!!!

Does anyone else think about things WAY too far in advance?

Good Music, Bad Music

2007-03-29T12:08:00.000-06:00

One of the great things about the collection of people in the lab I work in is that most of us are huge music fans. Each of us have copied the music from our iPods onto the main lab computer (which has 2 or 3 hard drives of over 100 GB each), and between us, we have basically every genre covered, making a pretty impressive collection of music. I don't remember the number of GB of music on there, but I know it's WELL over 3 months-long. Or so says iTunes. The computer is tripped out with two fairly nice speakers from a big stereo system, and a subwoofer. Yes, a subwoofer, right next to two PCR machines and an autoclave.

Naturally, with a collection like that, spanning all genres, we've got some pretty sweet playlists. I've made several, though there's really just one that I listen to with any frequency, when I get to choose what we listen to. I have no actual name for it, mostly because it's a very eclectic mix of music. In addition to the usual (and expected, if you know me) handful of jazz, there's classic rock and 80's new wave songs, a few hip-hop songs (apparently, Fergie wants to get me drunk off her lady-humps), as well as even a few of the almost tolerable songs performed by country artists. You can be rocking out to Queen one minute, moved by a Miles Davis ballad the next, and then out of nowhere you hear some awesome Earl Scruggs banjo solo that almost makes you crap your pants!

The other day, I was in the lab, doing my usual thing. One of the guys who kinda distances himself from everyone else happened to be in the lab, and was doing some research on the main computer. Until he came in, I was the only person in the lab, so my awesome mix was playing. For the first half hour or so that he was there, the shuffle seemed to favor mostly the classic rock songs I had placed on there, which he and I were both enjoying. Anyone who doesn't enjoy a little Styx every once in a while has a black hole for a heart. After enjoying a great Doors track (I forget which one), Pat Metheny's "The Roots of Coincidence" came on. I understand that the name of that song, and maybe the artist, means nothing to you, so I'll fill you in. Pat is primarily a jazz guitarist, but he also forays into folk, country, new age, and as in the case with this song, rock. "The Roots of Coincidence" is an eight minute acid rock spectacular. It has some shredding that would make even Jimmie Page do a double-take to listen again. About two minutes into the song, when the music is already intense, but getting much, much more so, this moron switches to "Sweet Dreams" by Eurythmics, without so much as a word of "Hey, Jake, do you mind?" or anything. I was, well, shocked, and maybe even nauseated.

Don't get me wrong. I like "Sweet Dreams". I did, after all, put it on my list. Still, two huge errors were made:
1) Switching to a new song in the middle of another one. All the musical tension that was building up never got resolved! Arrgh! Songs aren't written for you to only listen to a portion of them. Songs are whole units, and need to be respected as such.
2) Switching from a very musical song to a less-so song. "Roots of Coincidence" is very acid rock, but still classy. Pat got a Grammy for best rock instrumental performance in 1997 for that song. It ain't no trash. To switch from that to Eurythmics is like eating a few bites of filet mignon, and then deciding you'd prefer a McDonald's cheeseburger. Such a huge step down!

Am I overreacting?

Smells Like...Teen Spirit? No, no, Old Spice!

2007-03-22T09:20:00.000-06:00

You ever notice how important your sense of smell is?

As many of you already know, I suffer a mild case of hearing loss, thanks to years of shooting guns with my dad and brothers as a child, and thanks even more to 7 years of being in band in junior high and high school. Because of this loss in hearing, I'm pretty sure my sense of smell is enhanced.

The first time I realized my sense of smell was unusually strong was in the 11th grade. I was sitting next to a friend in German, and sighed with boredom. As I breathed in, I smelled a familiar smell.

"Zach, are you wearing Old Spice High Endurance Anti-Perspirant, Original Scent?" I had worn that deodorant about a year earlier, so I recognized the smell. Maybe I should've been a little more sly, and not launched right into the FULL name, but that's just the kind of man I am.

"WHAT?!" he replied, with a face containing some awful mix of confusion and terror. Most of the people I knew in high school thought I was gay, and this guy rated a little higher on the homophobia meter than most of the people I knew.

"I'm just asking. It's a good smell. I used to wear it myself", I assured him, trying to get him to calm down.

He never actually answered me. The conversation made him visibly uncomfortable, so I dropped it. A few months later, I found out from another friend in the class that I had indeed identified his deodorant, a smell he had JUST bought. I noticed it on the very first day he wore it.

Here I am now, six years later, and I've begun to use my sense of smell as a way to get to know people better. Lady-friends of mine who I'm especially close with hardly even flinch when I grab a piece of their hair, mid-conversation, and take a whiff, just to smell some of that vanilla or coconut-y goodness. In my dance class, I find myself recognizing smells of my myriad dance partners. There's one girl in there who I know for a fact wears Secret brand deodorant (I personally don't care much for that scent). Another wears a delicious citrus-smell, but she and I haven't reached the 'smell-your-hair-in-casual-conversation' level of friendship, so I can't tell if it's perfume, shampoo/conditioner, hair gel, or something else.

Personally, I find this funny, except that I catch myself using their personal scents as a means for discrimination: the "Secret" girl is a much better dancer, and isn't terrible-looking, but I find myself preferring to dance with the citrus girl, who is about equally good-looking, but probably a worse dancer. The girl who smells like she didn't shower before class is probably my last pick; meanwhile, the overweight girl who smells like coconut? "You wanna dance?" For the most part, I prefer a partner who smells good, rather than looks good, and I don't really care how well they dance.

Civil rights and discrimination-related issues are important to me in politics; I think it's morally wrong to judge someone by visual issues, like the color of their skin, how overweight they are, or how attractive they may be. Does the fact that I appear to discriminate based on another of my five senses make me just as bad?

Updated

2007-03-18T00:34:00.000-06:00

I've added my posts from my old website at mac.com, for those of you who were worried they'd be gone forever.

My first post. Wahoo!

2007-03-17T00:32:00.000-06:00

Well, I fought this for a while. Finally, I'm giving in. I'm going to make a blog. I'll try to make it entertaining, I promise.

For those of you who actually paid attention back when I had a site at mac.com, I'll work on posting those pages on here. We'll see.

Cover Songs!

2007-03-04T00:33:00.000-07:00

There is truly a WEALTH of great music available to listen to, and as refreshing as it is to hear something new, it’s also nice to hear something familiar, with a twist. I’ve noticed that I have a lot of recordings of musicians covering other musicians’ songs, and I thought I’d share.

For those of you not familiar with the jargon, “covering” means playing another band or musician’s song, while adding your own personal “flavor” to the music.

There are some artists who have more than one song here. Forgive me for that; they cover music really well!

Enjoy!

Some of Jake’s Favorite Cover Songs:
1. “Sing Sang Sung” by Gordon Goodwin’s Big Phat Band, based on “Sing Sing Sing” as performed by Benny Goodman
2. “Message In A Bottle” by John Mayer, from the song by The Police
3. “Bold As Love” by John Mayer, from the song by Jimi Hendrix
4. “Chipmunk Christmas” by John Scofield, based on “Christmas Don’t Be Late” as performed by Alvin & the Chipmunks
5. “Bohemian Polka” by Weird Al Yankovic, based on Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody”
6. “Cold Cold Heart” by Norah Jones, from the song by Hank Williams, Sr.
7. “Crazy” by Diana Krall, from the song performed by Patsy Cline
8. “Elephant Love Medley” from Moulin Rouge, based on TONS of CLASSIC love songs
9. “Don’t Know Why” by Pat Metheny, from the song by Norah Jones
10. “Highway to Hell” by Maroon 5, from the song performed by AC/DC
11. “Lady Marmalade” by Christina Aguilera, P!nk, Li’l Kim, and Mýa, from the song performed by Labelle
12. “Mozart’s 40th Symphony In G Minor” by Gordon Goodwin’s Big Phat Band, from... well, you know

Note: Weird Al is best known for his parodies of popular music, but in this case, Bohemian Polka is a cover, not a parody. He didn’t change the lyrics, and the only real change in the music is the change in style from rock to polka.

Please leave comments, including about any good cover songs you have!

Black History Month

2007-02-25T00:31:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I didn’t post last week. I was in Vegas, and didn’t have my wonderful Mac with me to make a list. Sorry. I doubt anyone actually noticed.

This weekend is the last weekend in February, and so I’ve decided to take advantage of Black History Month while I still can. This week’s list focuses on two things: 1)some of the great musical achievements brought by African Americans (knowing me, that of course means jazz), and also a little on actual history and some pioneering moments in black history. I didn’t really focus on modern black history or music, because I don’t really feel equipped with the knowledge or the music to do so. Deal with it.

Because this list is a little more based on history and less on music, I’m going to include an explanation for why I included each song. I hope you find it informative!

This week’s list:
1. “Maple Leaf Rag” by Scott Joplin
2. “Memphis Blues” by Jim Europe’s 369th Infantry Band
3. “Charleston” by James P. Johnson
4. “West End Blues” by Louis Armstrong and his Hot Five
5. “Black Beauty” by Duke Ellington
6. “Jumpin’ at the Woodside” by Count Basie
7. “Manteca” by Dizzy Gillespie
8. “Rose Room” by the Benny Goodman Sextet
9. “Stardust” by Louis Armstrong
10. “Strange Fruit” by Billie Holiday
11. “Fables of Faubus” by Charles Mingus
12. “Pastime Paradise” by Stevie Wonder

And here’s why:
1. Joplin, a black man, was an excellent classical pianist, but with a generous understanding of the African folk music, which was popular among poor blacks, especially in the South. He fused the two and invented what we know as ragtime, a precursor to jazz and therefore the rest of modern music. This is a classic Joplin song.
2. Jim Europe led this all-black military band during World War I, and was immensely popular for the time. The band played the mostly-accepted style of music called blues almost exclusively, at a time when a fledgling style of music called “Jass” was gaining popularity but was mostly considered dirty and inappropriate. In addition to preparing the American public for a more swinging sound, he was among the first few black musicians to receive acclaim at a national level. Funny how no one has heard of him today, eh? This song was kind of the band’s theme song.
3. Pretty much everyone knows the tune to the popular 20’s dance, the “Charleston”. The original song was written by James P. Johnson, a major influence in early jazz, especially on the style of jazz piano. He is one of the primary inventors of the piano style known as “Harlem Stride”, exemplified beautifully in this recording.
4. Louis Armstrong and his Hot Five and Seven (those are names of two ensembles) recorded some truly classic and immensely influential tracks. This is one of them. It begins with a solo by Louis, “simple in its complexity and complex in its simplicity”, followed later by some mild but classic scat singing. These recordings are where “scat” began.
5. A beautiful recording from early in Ellington’s career. This is another example of Harlem Stride from another of its masters. If you don’t know who Duke Ellington is, go Google it, because I don’t have time (or space) to explain it.
6. This is THE classic song by Count Basie. Basie’s influence on modern music is only slightly less than Louis Armstrong’s, and equal with Duke Ellington.
7. Dizzy Gillespie is one of the three founders of the style of jazz called be-bop, which began in the mid-40’s (ish). Diz, sometimes known as the “spokesman” for the be-bop movement, helped to get the music out to larger and more (racially) diverse audiences. Be-bop evolved later into a style known as hard bop, from which funk, soul, R&B, hip-hop, and rap music were developed.
8. Benny Goodman was a white man, I know. The great thing about him was that he cared more about making good music than he did about meeting society’s expectations. This sextet featured several black musicians: Lionel Hampton on vibes, Charlie Christian on guitar, and either Fletcher Henderson (as is the case in this recording) or Teddy Wilson on piano. This drew enormous criticism, for a white man like Goodman to have the audacity to record and perform with black musicians. If I remember correctly, this is the first racially ‘integrated’ recording of music ever, made in 1939.
9. This was kind of a selfish indulgence. I love this song, especially this recording. It epitomizes the genius of Louis Armstrong, and what he did to music, and the world.

These last three are more focused on history than on music.
10. This song is about lynching of blacks in the South. It was a huge risk on her career for Billie Holiday to sing this song, but I’m glad she did. It’s incredible. I feel like it’s important enough to include the lyrics, so here they are:

“Southern trees bear a strange fruit,
Blood on the leaves and blood at the root,
Black bodies swinging in the southern breeze,
Strange fruit hanging from the poplar trees.

Pastoral scene of the gallant south,
The bulging eyes and the twisted mouth,
Scent of magnolias, sweet and fresh,
Then the sudden smell of burning flesh.

Here is fruit for the crows to pluck,
For the rain to gather, for the wind to suck,
For the sun to rot, for the trees to drop,
Here is a strange and bitter crop.”

Chilling, isn’t it?
11. This song is homage to who Mingus calls (jokingly) the “first, or second, or third All-American Hero”, Orval Faubus, the governor of Arkansas who fought the Supreme Court decision in Brown vs. Board of Education and mobilized the Arkansas National Guard to prevent the“Little Rock Nine” from going to a “white school”. This is a classic song in anger and frustration with racism. The lyrics:

“Oh, Lord, don't let 'em shoot us!
Oh, Lord, don't let 'em stab us!
Oh, Lord, don't let 'em tar and feather us!
Oh, Lord, no more swastikas!
Oh, Lord, no more Ku Klux Klan!

Name me someone who's ridiculous, Dannie.
Governor Faubus!
Why is he so sick and ridiculous?
He won't permit integrated schools.

Then he's a fool! Boo! Nazi Fascist supremists!
Boo! Ku Klux Klan (with your Jim Crow plan)

Name me a handful that's ridiculous, Dannie Richmond.
Faubus, Rockefeller, Eisenhower
Why are they so sick and ridiculous?
Two, four, six, eight:
They brainwash and teach you hate.
H-E-L-L-O, Hello.”

It makes more sense if you listen. I promise.
12. This song was stolen by Coolio about twenty years later as the basis for his hit, “Gangsta’s Paradise”. The appalling thing is that Coolio changed the meaning of the song completely. Coolio was portraying the terrible conditions of life for inner-city blacks today. In this recording, however, Stevie Wonder points out many of the terrible things that have happened to his race, but with the main idea that we need to move on, that things are improving, and that with time things will continue to do so. I like that; it’s a great message of hope.

The lyrics:
“They've been spending most their lives
Living in a pastime paradise
They've been spending most their lives
Living in a pastime paradise
They've been wasting most their lives
Glorifying days long gone behind
They've been wasting most their days
In remembrance of ignorance oldest praise
Tell me who of them will come to be
How many of them are you and me

Dissipation
Race Relations
Consolation
Segregation
Dispensation
Isolation
Exploitation
Mutilation
Mutations
Miscreation
Confirmation....... to the evils of the world

They've been spending most their lives
Living in a future paradise
They've been spending most their lives
Living in a future paradise
They've been looking in their minds
For the day that sorrow's gone from time
They keep telling of the day
When the Savior of love will come to stay
Tell me who of them will come to be
How many of them are you and me

Proclamation of Race Relations
Consolation
Integration
Verification of Revelations
Acclamation
World Salvation
Vibrations
Simulation
Confirmation....... to the peace of the world

They've been spending most their lives
Living in a pastime paradise
They've been spending most their lives
Living in a pastime paradise
They've been spending most their lives
Living in a future paradise
They've been spending most their lives
Living in a future paradise
We've been spending too much of our lives
Living in a pastime paradise

Let's start living our lives
Living for the future paradise
Praise to our lives
Living for the future paradise
Shame to anyones lives
Living in a pastime paradise”

What Is This Thing Called Love?

2007-02-11T00:27:00.000-07:00

Valentine’s Day is coming up, so naturally this week’s playlist will be devoted to this annual celebration of love and romance.

It seems to me that there are essentially three popular things to do on Valentine’s Day: 1) nothing, 2) do something extravagant though ultimately empty of real affection for the person you love, or 3) complain. Complaints are often related to the gift-giving process; men complain about having to give the perfect gift, or else face a year of grief for not being thoughtful, while women usually complain about men (a hot topic for discussion/whining in the time preceding this dreadful holiday). In this case, by the way, some women seem to think every day is Valentine’s Day.

I spent time this past week trying to decide if this week’s list should be in celebration of love, or in humiliation of it. I decided that there’s just too much potential for either idea to skip either, so I’m doing them both. In the case of the “pro-love” list, I ask you to remember that probably one in three songs ever written is about love, so I couldn’t possibly make a fully comprehensive collection into a list that could fit onto a single CD. These are some of my favorite love songs (or just generally romantic, if not actual love songs), spanning several genres.

Enjoy!

“Love Bites”:
1. Somebody Kill Me- Adam Sandler (from “The Wedding Singer”)
2. Love Bites- Def Leppard
3. Love You In Vain- Alison Krauss
4. I Will Survive- Gloria Gaynor
5. Don’t Get Around Much Anymore- Duke Ellington
6. Love Song For No One- John Mayer
7. Faded Love- Patsy Cline
8. Love Hurts- Nazareth
9. Where Did Our Love Go?- The Supremes
10. You Give Love a Bad Name- Bon Jovi
11. Love Her Madly- The Doors
12. Tainted Love- Soft Cell
13. Cold As Ice- Foreigner
14. Witchy Woman- The Eagles
15. More Than a Feeling- Boston
16. I Heard It Through The Grapevine- Gladys Knight
17. Chain of Fools- Aretha Franklin
18. Don’t Miss You At All- Norah Jones
19. Solitude- Billie Holiday
20. Can’t We Be Friends?- Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong

Congrats to Duke Ellington for writing three (#’s 5, 18, and 19) of the the twenty songs!

“All You Need Is Love”:
1. All You Need Is Love- The Beatles
2. All The Things You Are- Ella Fitzgerald
3. (Your Love Keeps Lifting Me) Higher and Higher- Jackie Wilson
4. How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved By You)- Marvin Gaye
5. People Will Say We’re in Love- from “Oklahoma!”
6. How Deep is Your Love- Bee Gees
7. Your Song- from “Moulin Rouge”
8. Cheek to Cheek- Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong
9. Can’t Take My Eyes Off Of You- Frankie Vallie & the Four Seasons
10. The Nearness of You- Pat Metheny and James Taylor (I have five versions of this song, including versions by Ella and Louis, Sarah Vaughan, and Norah Jones; but they’re used elsewhere this week, so this is the recording I chose)
11. They Can’t Take That Away From Me- Sarah Vaughan
12. Embraceable You- Charlie Parker
13. My Girl- The Temptations
14. You’ve Really Got A Hold On Me- Smokey Robinson
15. Knocks Me Off My Feet- Stevie Wonder
16. Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic- The Police
17. Best of My Love- The Eagles
18. Tell Her About It- Billy Joel

Well? What do you think? Don’t you just want a copy of these CD’s sooooooo bad?

Mother Nature Never Sounded So Good!

2007-02-04T00:24:00.000-07:00

Weather in Utah has been a little odd lately. Just when it gets warm enough for most of the snow to melt, it snows again. Then, quite suddenly, it’s warmer, and it all melts away. Due to inclement weather, and my constant longing for summer, I’ve decided to let this week’s playlist be dedicated to weather, in its many forms.

1. “It’s Raining Men” - The Weather Girls
2. “Stormy Weather”- Duke Ellington
3. “Have You Ever Seen the Rain?”- Creedence Clearwater Revival
4. “Cloudburst”- Eric Whitacre
5. “Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head”- B.J. Thomas
6. “A Foggy Day”- Ella Fitzgerald & Louis Armstrong
7. “Sunrise”- Norah Jones
8. “Summertime”- Sarah Vaughan
9. “Waiting for the Sun” -The Doors
10. “Summer Soft”- Stevie Wonder
11. “Aquarius/ Let The Sunshine In”- The 5th Dimension
12. “Summersong”- The Decemberists
13. “Sunlight”- Pat Metheny
14. “Here Comes the Sun”- The Beatles
15.“Winter Time”- Steve Miller Band
16. “Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!”- Lena Horne
17. “I’ve Got My Love to Keep Me Warm”- Billie Holiday

I really, REALLY wish I had “Walking on Sunshine”. That’d be PERFECT for this list.

Comments?